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| If you pour some sugar, you will be pouring Tom Cruise. |
Bret Michaels, Axl Rose, Vince Neil – what do all of these singers have in common? Even put together, they are all pussies compared to Tom Cruise’s Stacee Jaxx.
Take, for example, the bone-o-meter. None of those other clowns even come close to reaching as high of a number as Jaxx (regarding this issue of comparing the number of women a rock star has slept with, there is a reason both Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley were not mentioned in the opening line; if Tom Cruise wore facial makeup, he would still be the best member of KISS, but that is another hypothetical story).
In Rock of Ages, Cruise is the prototypical hair metal god, living the very same dream which vicariously makes other men keep on ticking. Above all, Jaxx is an asshole – the best asshole, in fact, which is the only way for an 80’s singer to exist as a soul both honest and true.
He lives to f***. He lives to forget. Ironically enough, in the process of maintaining this one-two punch of a lifestyle, he only makes himself more and more unforgettable. Yet “hypocrisy” cannot be screamed. Only envy.
Of course, Jaxx is also the most famous rocker on the planet, not to mention the richest. In comparison, there is, without a doubt, no one even remotely resembling an equal. He spells his first name Stacee with two e’s, and his last name Jaxx with two x’s.
This is why Tom Cruise will always be…the best rock star.
